One day, I came across a letter in one of my mum’s books. The letter was from one of her sister asking her to abort me since she was divorced and pregnant. After reading the letter, I felt a sharp pain in my heart. It all made sense now, I WAS NOT MEANT TO BE HERE!
Growing up, I really envied kids with dads. I was always uncomfortable, even when my friends’ dads got close to me. All I could project was my rejection.
I forgot that you cannot run forward if you keep looking back.
I had a mind block of trying to please people with the intent for them to like me in return. Trust me when I say it was really hard.
Seeking peoples’ validation can never be the solution to rejection.
I cried several nights wishing I had a dad. Memories of him were few. I believed life would have been easier and better if he was around. He would have defended me and conquered feats for me, so I thought. I was affected, but it never reflected on the outside.
You don’t have to limit your future merely because of voids in your past.
It was hard to close those chapters and write new ones.
I was a withdrawn child and people just assumed it is my nature. I was never vulnerable and I shy away from conversations. My mind was always busy. I devoted my energy into whatever that would keep me busy from myself.
You will miss your next assignment in life if you worship the past and yearn for yesterday. Let it go!
I received Christ but it was hard receiving him as a father. I had questions. I asked questions. I needed my hardened heart to be tender towards him. Then, I realized he came through for me at every point in my life. I started reading his word.
I found out he has chosen me. He sets the solitary in families and I wasn’t born a mistake. I am accepted in the beloved and he has loved me with an everlasting love.
Even though I never experienced firsthand the love of an earthly father, I recaptured all that I lost when I got to know my heavenly father.
In as much as I found out these truths, I started reading books and attending programs to deal with the root causes and the memories of an absent father. I found my identity in Christ. I am still on this journey and its been a progressive one at that.
Sis, for the many changes you will face on all levels of life, I recommend Jesus… He is our father before we ever had an earthly one.
Love you
Xoxo
Christy
