My story may be cliche but I really learnt from the experience and would want to share it especially with ladies who deeply in their hearts seek to find true love but due to personal or societal factors can’t make the right decisions or at the verge of making the wrong choice.
It is still possible to find that one person that compliments you and you will be amazed how everything will work out together for your good.
I used to be a lady who partly believes in love, I only appreciate good friendships and want it kept that way because of a lot of stories I have heard and experienced from people directly or indirectly. Hence, I resolved to be on my own.
On the long run, my family and friends persuaded me into being in a relationship of which I was reluctant with ab initio (from the beginning). Subsequently, I deeply thought about it and after a while I succumed to it. I was praying about letting myself to love this guy. However, while all of these was going on, I met this cute guy who I decided to date and let go of the other one. This guy is really a nice person. On the course of our relationship, I realised that he wanted the best for me but doesn’t want to contribute to it. He was possessive and always demand that I go ahead with his plans irrespective of how I feel.
Relegating ones feelings to the background has nothing to do with the word, ‘LOVE’.
Three weeks into the relationship he threw a party and Boom! I was engaged me. I know what you are thinking “why didn’t you decline”?. To be honest, I was shocked to my bones, I never had a clue and I do not want to let him down in public. So I went along with this crazy idea of being engaged after three weeks of relationship. Sincerely, I WAS STILL AT THE PEAK OF THE LOVE EUPHORIA.
I was letting my guts down publicly even though I did not let him down in public.
Weeks turned into months and there was a lot of friction in the relationship but I didn’t want to give up on him because I still felt something for him.
Your feelings for a guy will never eliminate the reality of the relationship.
He complained that I don’t sleep over at his place, wash his clothes, sweep his house, cook for him, bring it to his office and so on. Pheww! I got tired, he keeps asking what I contribute to the relationship if not the above listed since we were into a no sex relationship. Meanwhile, I couldn’t give my best because I was not comfortable with what he thinks of women and how he sees them.
You can’t give your best to anything that keeps dragging you to a lower version of YOU.
Every month comes with its’ own problem and complaints. I became a prayer warrior overnight.I was already praying for him to change without being a wife, what happens when I finally becomes his wife?
Don’t marry someone you intend to change.
I was praying from a place of emotions not clarity. I kept asking God if this is the man for me. Furthermore, after sharing with a few friends excluding my family because I didn’t want their decisions to becloud my sense of judgement. It was so clear to my family after they spoke with him that he was proud and arrogant. My family did not like him.
My friends joined me in prayers and one unique thing about their advice was that they were all against him but I still needed a sign. YES! I am that stubborn.
You don’t need a sign you constantly ignore when it always show up daily.
To cut the long story short, I relocated after giving him a piece of my mind on how I felt about our relationship, he agreed to change and begged I give him a second chance. So, we began a second missionary journey.
Second chances are futile when it has to fix an inherent pattern that ticks off as a red flag.
When I relocated to another state, it occurred to me that most of my friends were getting married. Personally, I wasn’t ready for marriage but I honestly wanted to be in a serious relationship at least to be friends and grow with the one I love.
The fear of missing out can alter your choices in life.
So I continued with the relationship till I experienced another deal breaker where he shut me out while giving my opinion about a discussion. He claims that I am too expensive, I don’t show him off on social media and accused me of being involved with other guys. I finally told him to give me sometime to think about our relationship via a text message.
Do not compromise your deal breakers in a relationship, they are your safe space.
He called me after he saw my text but I refused to pick up. He texted me back asking how long he should give me but I didn’t reply. So we did not communicate for over a month.
Surprisingly, during that period of his absence, I didn’t miss him and I had no regrets .I felt so free, happy and went about my daily activities. I was the one who called to tell him that it was over and his reply was, ‘FINE I WISH YOU THE BEST’. This made me realize his proud attitude that I have always ignored.
Never Ignore a warning signal.
I really wish I could take you through this journey word for word but I have to come to a conclusion that anybody who takes your peace in any form is not worth it and seeking the counsel of God in all areas of our lives cannot be overemphasized.