I wasted 7 years of My Life by Ignoring a Red Flag

I cannot recognize myself any longer after 7 years of marriage. This is not the life I planned for myself! I ignored all the red flags while we were dating and went ahead to marry Dave. I had this idea that God will change him.

I soon realized that ignoring a red flag is like setting yourself up for a fatal accident. I was in a hurry to get married to a version of Dave that needs to change….. not a changed version of him.

I consider myself to be a prayerful sister and serve a God who answers prayers. He was good looking and rich. So I assured myself that everything will fall in place as time goes on. Sounds convenient right? hahahaha

I didn’t realize at the moment that prayers was meant to expose these red flags and I had a choice to simply ignore or acknowledge them. I did the former!

He asked me to stop working in order to take care of my children. Personally, I’m a career oriented individual but after much thought, I felt it is a sacrifice I should make for my family.

I have learnt over the years that sacrificing your dreams, goals and career is a self inflicted pain you don’t wish for anyone to live with.

He placed me on a monthly salary but that stopped as quickly as it started. When I complained, he kept asking me what I was using all the money to do. He said he will buy everything I need and I should forget about the monthly salary. He sends money to friends and his family members making them think  that as his wife, I’m enjoying so much while in reality,  I wasn’t.

 Sis, you owe yourself to be financially literate and independent.

One day, I asked for money to celebrate my birthday and he bluntly told me that he doesn’t have money. Few days after that, I came across a message where he sent his girlfriend a huge sum of money compared to what I asked earlier. After confronting him, he apologized and promised me a vacation to make it up.

I later understood that there are no temporary fix to a toxic pattern….not even a vacation!

While on vacation, he still goes out to be with other women. The disrespect was much that I started having a low self esteem. He beats me at every slight provocation and as a result of that, I became a shadow of myself.

I prayed, talked to my pastors’ wife, he was called in for counselling but everything  he was told fell on deaf ears. He refused to change!  Soon I had to face reality because I passed out during one of the beating, I left the hospital straight to my fathers’ house with my child. My family called him to understand the situation of things. Instead, he told them that I’ll return home when I’m tired.

I accepted the fact that this was my reality and I may not be a hero in this story but I still have the choice to come out in one piece without turning back.

I have lost years. My career has gone down the drain. I had 2 miscarriages and scars all over my body.

However, I’m choosing to picking myself up again. I have returned to serving God immensely like I used to before the marriage. My parents raised money for me in addition to my savings and with that money, I have started a course and trying to find my path in my career. I also started a clothing business. I’m in a better place mentally, spiritually, financially and emotionally.

I believe that God will restore all my wasted years and give me beauty for ashes.

 

Sending you light and strength!

Love you  xoxo

Pearl