I was having a great day till I started thinking of an experience to share with my sisters on the PHENOMENAL WOMAN group since I had promised to publish a post on the blog today.
Previously, I googled on ‘how to share my personal experiences’ so that people can relate with it. That was when google enlightened me that sharing your personal experience as well as blogging about it is not easy as people envisaged.
Google informed me point blank that it was difficult and most people end up sounding Narcissistic after blogging their personal experiences.
Curious to understand what google meant by people who had genuine intentions of helping others that are on the same journey with them come off as Narcissists.
Earlier before now, I have heard people use the word Narcissist especially as regards to men. I didn’t know it was not gender specific (atleast google educated me on that). Having the word used most of the time to address men, made my subconscious mind think that I have understood the word fully. To be honest, I have never googled this word because I thought it’s always associated with men in a context of them coming off as controlling that I already knew everything about it.
As I typed the word Narcissist, I was expecting to see few words. To my uttermost surprise, I saw what seems like a disorder and had something to do with mental health. You know how you search for a word , expecting to read few lines and end up reading all the article related to that word after which you conclude in your mind that “this is some deep stuff man, really deep”.
After going through the articles that tried to explain what this single word meant and what it can do to an individual, It Dampened my spirit.
It dampened my spirit not because I was oblivious of what the word “Narcissism” represented but the realization that individuals with this disorder had no cure atleast to a reasonable extent. Their victims were always advised to leave because according to Grace, “The best thing you can do is cut tie. Offer them no explanation. Offer no second chance. Break up with them and offer no second, third or fourth chance. It’s that bad!
It dampened my spirit not because I have not seen people meet the criteria of being a Narcissist but it all made sense why I always believe that some of them, one of which I can remember vividly, a friend should seek help not just from God but from people who will be able to help them, a therapist.
I can remember telling him that Night in front of my hostel to seek help because I fear what the future holds with those he will come in contact with especially….his wife. He threatened me that he can kill me that night and no one will ever know.
It became a concern for me that I entered his name in my prayer book and started praying for him, atleast his salvation. I believed that he will be fine when He finds Christ, I still do.
I still believe that God has a plan for his life but at the same time I strongly believe that, “Sometimes you leave someone not because you don’t love them but because you need to love yourself more” …. This is what I did, I prayed for him but I cut ties with him.
We were just friends but the idea of being anything more than that scared me. I prayed for him but the emotional drain that came with just engaging him in some minutes conversation was just too much for a friend to handle let alone….his wife.
It dampened my spirit with a realization that just maybe the person I respect so much might have this disorder. I can’t tell how but I have seen how he has always caused pain to people that crosses his path. I don’t know whether it was deliberate but I do know it has something to do with the word “Narcissism”.
“They lift themselves up only by putting others down” says Peykar. I have seen this man do this countlessly to people that loves him and it hurts to say that this is my reality. Am afraid to say that he met all the criteria for “Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)”.
It dampened my spirit because I have seen women trying to love a Narcissist with all they had only to realize that their love meant nothing to them. It just feels like they are the ones with the problem while in reality , “How a Narcissist treat you or when they turn on you, actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own beliefs”.
I just want to hug my sisters and tell them that it has nothing to do with them.
I strongly believe in redemption and on the finished work of Christ.
I believe that any form of disorder including Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)” is subject to Christ.
I believe in therapy and transformation that comes with it.
I believe in knowing when a relationship is draining you, making you feel less confident than you used to be, always thinking its your fault when things go wrong and constantly making excuses for their behavior.
I believe in God giving you the strength to cut that ties when it feels like you have nothing to live for.
I believe in second chances and knowing when to let go.
I believe someone reading this will let go and let GOD.
Till then, we are handing them over to GOD.
Sending you love and prayers with the knowledge that you will get through this. You were built to last.
Love you xoxo