I have a friend by the name Ada which is way older than me, probably in her late 40’s. I can’t remember vividly how we met. All I could remember was that she complimented my height and shape, I was like, thank you ma. Before we knew what was happening, we started talking about a whole lot of things ranging from her kids to her occupation. I can’t help but notice how she loved God but doesn’t have enough knowledge in that area. So I offered to help send some messages to her Samsung tablet which I did the next day because I came home for holidays and luckily for me I came back with my laptop. I was in second year in pharmacy school when we met.
Ada kept checking up on me while I was in school which I did appreciate. I promised her I will be back after my semester exams. I was in my third year then. It felt like we had a connection and she more like a sister to me than an aunty.
When I came to see her, she was shouting and sharing the insights she got from the messages I sent her. We started delving into the word and sharing scriptures. She was so happy. She informed me that she now speaks in tongue. My heart was so full. She made a statement saying, “I wish I had this knowledge when I was your age”. she lowered her eyes in a way that Portrayed regrets and disappointments after which she started telling me her life story.
This is ADA’s story and I pray y’all learn one or two things from it.
In her words;
I never took God seriously when I was in school, I had this notion that something was wrong with students that take this God-thing seriously. Why waste their life when its meant to be enjoyed?. Young girls are meant to go clubbing, have fun and get themselves a man. So I got myself a man who loved me and had plans to settle down with me. He provided all I needed then because my family were trying to make ends meet. He was so perfect till I found out about his “Drug business”. You would think I confronted him right? I said , yes of course.
She laughed and continued with her story.
I wasn’t concerned about his business as long as he loves me and was taking care of me. It was not a big deal even though a part of me was afraid about his job description. What if he travels and never comes back?. The questions faded immediately after his reassurance that it won’t take long before he had quit. I was so glad we were about to get married till I found out we were both AS. It was heartbreaking. We said our goodbyes and parted ways.
Life became pretty normal till I met this guy that wanted to get married to me. He was not my spec , so I turned him down. Unknown to me, he knew my mother. He went to her and made his intentions known. I stood my ground on the matter when my mum told me about him. I was so happy that my mum never brought the matter up after our discussion about it till her sisters came to my school. I was in my final year then. It was an unusual visit. I was called out of my hostel and they started giving me reasons why I should marry him: He is rich, you are about to graduate from the university and he is from the same village with us. Ada your mum has been suffering to take care of you and your siblings, how long do you want her to continue suffering like this? Aunty Ifeoma said. The statement broke my heart because I love my mother so much and they were not lying about her situation …. She has been suffering to take care of the three of us after my dad died.
I was just a young girl that loved her mum so much and had little or no knowledge when it came to marriage. I honoured my mum’s wish of getting married to daniel, provided she is happy. She’s late now, may her soul rest in peace. she never enjoyed the benefits of me getting married to this so called “rich guy”.
Ada kept quiet for some time and continued with her story.
I got married to Daniel without knowing much about him. We quarreled on the wedding day, it was that bad! He specifically instructed me to know my place in his house and let his siblings do whatever they liked even if it meant insulting me. I started feeling trapped in the marriage. He just wanted me to get a job and be the perfect wife. He never supported my dreams for fashion. He was stingy with his money. I begged him to learn how to sew because of my love for fashion but he turned me down.
When my brother found out that I was struggling, he offered to give me money to travel to dubai and get some things to start up a jewelry business of which daniel refused. He was always projecting his insecurity on me. He didn’t want me to mingle for the fear of people flocking around me.
I wish I had the knowledge I have now, I would’t have married Daniel and I would have been living a purposeful life.
I want to tell my 20 year old self:
That her Identity is found in Christ, not a boyfriend, relationship, marriage, money and fame.
That She’s not missing out on life by serving God.
To delay gratification.
That Saying NO is also a form of self care….Even when the request is from my mother.
To do everything for the right knowledge.
To Be in the midst of a community of sisters that wants to live purposeful lives.
To be financially literate.
That her happiness is dependent on her not on anyone.
To discover her purpose and walk in it……. other things will follow suit including a man.
It was time for me to go, so I encouraged her and let her know that there’s no age bracket to effectively walking in your purpose. I didn’t feel I was in a position to advice her on marriage, so I told her to speak the things she wanted to see over the life of her husband, Daniel. That there is power in spoken words. That being said, I left.
Ada’s story didn’t end here.
Ada finally found happiness and freedom in God. Her kids are doing well. I graduated from bible school this year, Ada told me. I was so proud of her not because of anything else but because she didn’t let her circumstances define her outcome. Last week, Ada told me how God speaks clearly to her. She went ahead and let me know that God has given her a ministry that will transform lives all over the world.
I had real tears as I remembered how it all started and how far God has brought her.
Ada’s husband finally came back to his senses especially when he lost everything and his siblings were no where to be found. He is doing everything in his capacity to support his wife’s vision. Ada learnt the skill of making lovely oil perfumes which she intend to monetize this year.
Ada is living her best life.
Ada is a living witness that age has nothing to do with purpose discovery.
Ada never gave up on herself and I admire that about her…. She came back strong like nothing happened.
There is no limit to how far God will take you in life only if you come back to him. Your past has nothing to do with his acceptance. He has not given up on you.
He’s always been with you, you are just so busy to see that.
My prayer is that you clean up your schedule and run to your father who has been waiting to embrace you.
Love you Xoxo