My name is CHIMNOSO meaning GOD IS NEARBY and this is my story. After my birth, I was told that things became difficult for my family. Firstly, our house was swept away by flood, my dads’ business went down drastically. My family were practically living from hand to mouth! This prompted my parents to send me off to Enugu to stay with my aunt (dads’ sister) when I was 8 years old. At first it seemed as though things were better for me in this family until two years after my aunts’ husband’s nephew by name Nnanna came to stay with us.
At some point I started believing that maybe God is nearby after all.
Nnanna practically turned me into his sex toy. He beat me mercilessly whenever I tried to resist him. I tried telling my uncle what was happening but he turned me down. He supported his nephew with the claims that I was the one seducing him. How can a girl of 10years seduce a boy of 23 years old? .My aunt saw what was happening but swept it under the carpet in order to save her marriage.
I realized that a relationship which is capable of turning one into a lower version of themselves is not worth saving.
Seeing that no one stood up for me, Nnanna continued abusing me sexually. It got to a point where he started inviting his friends to come have “fun” with me. This act continued till I was 14. I came to that point where I couldn’t take it any longer, so I used a knife and stabbed him on his chest. This ended his sexual escapades with me although he is very much alive!
I came to understand that every woman has a voice and how it’s being used matters a lot. Your voice may be the only thing that can rescue that girl child from herself.
The past four years of sexual abuse produced in me a low self esteem. I saw myself as nothing but a sex toy. I started having psychological trauma which led to hatred for the opposite sex including my blood brothers. I gave up on myself and was suffering internally that it affected my grades in school. I withdrew myself from friends and family members, I hated everyone including my parents. I contemplated suicide at some point and was praying for the right opportunity to carry it out.
I completely forgot that God is always nearby. He has not once given up on me.
I gave my life to Christ at the age of 15 while I was in the process of writing my JAMB and WAEC exams. It happened that one of my Sunday school teachers approached me to know what was wrong with me when he noticed I was always alone and crying. I was scared to tell him my story because I felt he will judge me. I just saw myself narrating my story to him while crying profusely. To be honest, sharing this with him was the best decision I ever took. To think he could understand where I was coming from, felt like a load was lifted off me.
Most times your freedom is tied to sharing that story you don’t want people to hear. I realized that there’s freedom in my brokenness.
He told me about God and his love for me. I was reluctant to yield because I kept trying to understand where he was when all these things were happening to me. Jubilee my Sunday school teacher was not perturbed by my attitude, in fact he kept calling and talking to me about God. One Sunday I became fed up with my life that I decided to give God a chance. I told myself that I have been fighting this battle alone and have not been making any head way, so why not try God? I gave my life to Christ singing the song, “All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give…” . From that day, God started working in my life. I couldn’t find the pains, hatred and low self esteem. He changed me completely from the inside out and I have never regretted surrendering to him.
Sometimes all you have to do is to surrender your pain alongside your life to God. He can handle that pain.
My results came out and it was a total failure. My aunt was disappointed but I wasn’t bothered.
You respond to failure differently when your identity is found in Christ .
I asked God to help me pass my exams the next year and he literally blew my mind. I got admitted into UNIZIK to run a diploma in law after which I got a direct admission to study mass communication. Although I had serious challenges in school ranging from lost results to losing my dad in final year, God showed himself faithful. I continued to live for God in school through trials and temptation, he gave me the grave to overcome. I found a friend in Jesus and he is the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.
“All things worketh together for good to them that love God…”
I have made peace with my family members especially my parents. I am a graduate and almost through with my service. I also trust God for a good job because he that started the good work in me will bring me to perfection. If he could pick me from the miry clay and set my feet on the rock to stay, then He can change your story as you surrender to him.
God wants to give you territory in that very area that has caused you so much pain.